"FORE! Score? And seven trillion rounds ago, our forecaddies brought forth on this continent a new playground ..." - New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd, in a blistering piece satirizing President Obama's rewriting of Lincoln's address to justify his compulsion to go to the golf course when the going gets rough.

Will President Obama assign his attorney general to investigate a major crime in the Elyria, Ohio public schools -- namely the killing of the famous Elyria pink cookie? The prime suspect is First Lady Michelle Obama. The velvety, cake-like delicacy glazed with sugary pink icing has been judged the "Best Cafeteria Cookie" but it fails to meet federal dietary guidelines pushed by Mrs. Obama. Elyria students now have to choose between salads, yogurt or "egg patties."

News reports say "ISIS", Obama says "ISIL" -- ISIS or ISIL, which is correct? When the jihadist group began launching terror srikes and carving out territory two years ago, it was known as the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria. But the president and the State Department adopted a more precise term: the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant. The Associated Press switched from ISIS to ISIL, so no more arguments, okay?